« September 2004 | Main | November 2004 »
It is well accepted that one major incidence in a persons life can have a very powerful sculpturing effect on his/her psyche.
As our mind is very like a computer, we can expect that if we continue to input garbage/ negative into our system, negative results are the likely outcome.
Thus it is critical to manage all interactions, all moments in our life.
John Gottman's research on marriages suggests that there is a "magic ratio" of 5 to 1 -- in terms of our balance of positive to negative interactions. Gottman found that marriages are significantly more likely to succeed when the couple's interactions are near that 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative. When the ratio approaches 1 to 1, divorce beckons.
In a fascinating study, Gottman teamed up with two mathematicians to test this model. Starting in 1992, they recruited 700 couples who had just got married. For each couple, the researchers videotaped a 15-minute conversation between husband and wife and counted the number of positive and negative interactions. Then, based on the 5 to 1 ratio, they predicted whether each couple would stay together or divorce.
Ten years later, Gottman and his colleagues followed up with each couple to determine the accuracy of their original predictions. Incredibly, they had predicted divorce with 94% accuracy -- based on scoring the couples' interactions for 15 minutes.
This ratio is critical in the workplace as well. A recent study found that workgroups with positive to negative interaction ratios greater than 3 to 1 are significantly more productive than teams that do not reach this ratio.
So here is the challenge, why not sample your interactions over a period of an hour or a half day and note all interactions – positive or negative. Where you highlight a recurring negative pattern, the goal must be to Choose positive, choose differently in the future.
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 10:44 AM
"It doesn't matter what he does - he will never amount to anything." Einstein's high school teacher comments to his father.
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 05:46 PM
In most countries, progress is measured in terms of GNP or GDP -- gross national or domestic product. But one small country has adopted a startlingly different yardstick. In 1972, the king of Bhutan declared that progress in the landlocked Himalayan mini-kingdom would henceforward be gauged in terms of GNH -- gross national happiness.
Contentment, not capital, became Bhutan's official priority. As indicators of national well-being, profits, losses, surpluses and deficits were folded into just one of four "pillars of gross national happiness" -- and even then with key qualifications. Thus, in his annual report to the National Assembly, the Bhutanese prime minister testifies not just about "equitable and sustainable" socioeconomic development, but also about "preservation and promotion of cultural values, conservation of the natural environment, and establishment of good governance."
Bhutan boasts fewer than a million people in a country the size of Switzerland.
In February, Bhutan hosted the first major international conference on GNH, attracting academics and journalists from some 20 countries. This month, the Center for Bhutan Studies published essays by 45 of the participants, ranging from doctors and lawyers to environmentalists and Buddhist monks, in a hefty volume titled "Gross National Happiness and Development."
Bhutan is putting into practice a philosophy that some economists now see as a promising alternative to market fundamentalism. It is not so much antidevelopment -- or even antiglobalization -- as it is probalance.
(Extracted from the Japan Times Online.)
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 10:23 AM
Psychologists gauge how happy a person is by comparing positive and negative emotions over a period of time, says Randy J. Larsen, chairman of the Washington University Department of Psychology.
"The happier you are, the fewer bad days you have," Larsen says. "An average person has seven of 10 good days, while a really happy person may have nine of 10 good days on average."
How happy are you?
Unhappy? Have you any plans to change your patterns, remembering that if you keep doing what you are doing, you keep getting what you have got. Over the weekend spend some time reflecting on some of your more limiting patterns. Commit to choosing differently in the future.
Have a nice reflective weekend.
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 09:29 AM
A recent issue of the Newsweek magazine carried a cover story on the power of prayer.
Through pictures of brain scans it showed that during deep meditation, the part of the brain that dealt with self-consciousness changed dramatically and shrank in size, while other areas to do with insight improved.
Interesting.
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 10:55 AM
Just when you think you have seen it all......
Picture the following, you are standing in a checkout queue at the local supermarket. As one of the items are unmarked, the customer service girl apologetically excuses herself for a moment to get the correct price and barcode for the item.
Barely a few moments had passed when the next customer in line starts scanning in her purchases to everyboy's utter amazement. On her return, the customer service attendant explained that she would need to talk to her manager to deal with this unique dilemma, to our impatient friend's dismay.
The message is simple: AND BREATHE!
After researching human potential for the past decade and a half, I genuinely believe that parenting is one of the most difficult and rewarding challenges around.
Last night, I came upon a new series called " Who rules the Roost" on BBC England. It was very clear that the parent's biggest challenge was to say "no" to each and every request placed by their children.
The children had obviously associated screaming with submission. The more you scream, the more you get - in this case usually chocolate or ice cream.
On one occasion, the mother's inability to say "no" meant that her toddler went off in search of his father with a beer in one hand out of which he took on camera the occasional mouthful - incredible!
Message: Learning to say "no" is an important skill.
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 09:39 AM
Holding out for a hero?
Well, here is what you should be looking for!
According to Frank Farley, a psychology professor at Temple University in Philadelphia, these are the six personality traits shared by those described as timeless heroes, eg MLK, Gandhi and situational heroes, ie those who rush to help others in emergencies:
Kindness
Generosity
Skill
Intelligence
Honesty
Risk Taking
Courage and Strength is a given.
Interesting.
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 08:44 AM
Knowing yourself – the more you get to know yourself, the more you understand the sources of your limitations - the more you understand the source of your fear. Identification is the first stage. As mentioned many times on this log, solving the problem is never the problem – seeing it, is. When you see it, you can choose differently in the future.
As beliefs and attitudes are like muscles, the more you choose differently in the future, the more your limiting belief's power starts to dissipate.
Very simply don’t use it and you lose it!
Knowing your product – product knowledge is very important, that is a given. But there is more!
How you respond when you don’t know the answer to a question posed by a client is even more critical. Bluff and forget about any future in sales or be humble and endear yourself to the client.
“I don’t know the answer to that but I will find out immediately and get back to you” is the power option. Remember you are human and so is your client. As long as you respond immediately and get the answer, no damage done. Also if your client see's you as a person of authority your forced act of humility brings you closer to their world. Rememebr, people like people that are like themselves.
Get caught bluffing and you are history.
Knowing when to leave – this has to be one of the greatest challenge for sales people. As there is a direct link between our physiology and our psychology, knowing when to leave is quite simple, sharpen your senses, open your eyes; the client’s physiology should be directing your moves.
I have chose to leave some sales situations after two minutes based on the persons physiology – but returned later to secure the deal.
People buy when they feel most comfortable.
Knowing your client – as the saying goes, it is essential you have walked a mile in the client's moccasins to truly understand what you are dealing with.
Empathy is essential.
Enjoy!
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 10:40 AM
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
Mark Twain
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 10:16 AM
Catalyst a research and advisory organization working with businesses to build inclusive environments, recently ranked all companies in the Fortune 500 list of highest earning US Firms from 1996 to 2000 according to the number of women in senior management positions, and compared their financial performance.
The group of companies with most female executives has a 35% higher return on stockholder investment compared with those with the fewest.
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 09:14 AM
Doing voluntary work could help the 12 million people in the UK who suffer from mental health problems to combat stress and depression, claimed a leading volunteering and training organisation last week in the UK.
A survey for Community Service Volunteers (CSV) found that half of those who had volunteered for more than two years (48%) said it made them feel less depressed.
The poll of more than 600 volunteers also found that 63% of 25 to 34-year-olds and 62% of over-65s said volunteering reduced stress levels.
CSV said that volunteering had also been shown to have a big impact on work-related stress, which affects around five million adults in the UK and costs society an estimated £3.7 billion a year.
The poll also found that 71% of volunteers who offered their professional skills and experience said volunteering helped combat depression.
Almost a third (31%) of 18 to 24-year-olds also said they had taken less time off work since starting to volunteer.
There is no doubt that more and more people are starting to look at what they can give, rather than what they can get, as the key to a more fulfilled lifestyle.
Many report that it fills the void in the context of personal happiness.
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 03:44 PM
Research released on Friday by Manpower, a UK recruitment company claim that reliability is the most important attribute a co-worker must possess. Indeed thirty nine per cent of the 1,187 people surveyed chose “Reliable Richard” as their ideal workmate.
“Honest Harry” gets eighteen percent of the vote in the popularity stakes followed by the “canteen clown” who polls twelve percent.
The least popular person in the workplace it appears is “too nice Nigel!” His overboard attempts to please co-workers and be all things to all men doesn’t appear to cut it with co-workers – a mere one per cent for effort.
"Good co-workers are fundamental to our happiness in our jobs. A colleague who injects laughter into the workplace is always a ’nice to have’ but being able to rely on a colleague to deliver on promises and not slack off is clearly far more important. We depend on our colleagues to fulfil their work commitments so that we in turn can fulfil our own,” commented Charles Ashworth, director at Manpower UK.
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 09:20 AM