« October 2003 | Main | December 2003 »
I came across the following quote today:
"Sooner or later in life everyone discovers that perfect happiness is unrealisable, but there are few who pause to consider the antithesis: that perfect unhappiness is equally unattainable."
- Primo Levi, Survival in Auschwitz
Interesting?
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 02:49 PM | Comments (0)
Other factors that influence our moods highlighted in the Sunday Times article penned by John Elliot:
“Socialising: close contact with relatives and friends raises happiness more than worldly goods.”
Comment: No surprise here either. It brings to mind the beautiful quote from Cicero
“What sweetness is left in life if you take away friendships, it is like robbing the world of the sun.”
I believe we need to return to our historical sense of community or “meitheal” here in Ireland - indeed in most places around the world -remembering the three stages in our development, from dependence to independence to interdependence.
“Giving: taking part in voluntary work makes you feel better about the world.”
Comment: Without reservation, I believe there is a perfect accounting system in the universe ie what you give out, you get back in kind.
“Believing: religious faith creates positive feelings by easing fear of death.”
Comment: Right comment, wrong conclusion. Without doubt, belief is the most powerful drug in the world. Travelling around the world, I continued to attract wonderful teachers who though living in very poor circumstances, survived and thrived through their faith and belief in their God or Gods.
As mentioned before, holding a belief that you are loved and being watched over makes people feel a whole lot happier.
One interesting website highlighted in the article was Martin Seligmans which contains questionnaires for finding out what your strengths are.
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 08:32 AM | Comments (0)
John Elliot pens an interesting article in The Sunday Times, November 23 2003. In it he reviews a recent conference organised by Royal Society, Britains most scientific body – the focus, what makes people happy.
Here are some of the factors that influence our mood according to the speakers in attendance:
“Genes: being born into a happy family will give you the best start in life as well as influence your mood swings later.”
Comment: Agreed. However I am always wary of people who resign themselves to a life of mediocrity based on the belief that they inherited this gene or another. I believe even if a person inherits x gene he / she can commit to choosing differently in the future that will help them live a fulfilled happy life. In summary, don’t be hampered by your genes.
“Thinking: you cant choose your parents, but you can learn optimism, scientists now say. They believe techniques of positive thinking can rewire the brain. Research shows that ruminating on bad things is a big cause of depression.”
Comment: Agreed. Interestingly I am aware of some cultures where they believe you do choose your parents. Attitudes and beliefs are like muscles in the way they operate – the less you use them the more they die off and waste, the converse is also through. Finally the field of psychoneuroimmunology pioneered by Robert Ader shows the damage of stewing on negative emotions. They depress our immune system making it more likely that we get ill.
Marrying: those who wed are known to be consistently happier than singles or co-habitees.
Comment: ….if you have found your soulmate!
I will review the other findings of this article this week.
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 09:25 AM | Comments (0)
I am delighted to announce that I will be keynoting at Accord’s National Conference in Galway, March 2003. As part of the process, I have reviewed some of Accord's work to date.
Recent research with over 3500 Accord clients conducted by Social and Economic Research Consultants makes for very interesting reading.
Please find below a sample of their findings and my associated comments.
“Clients – and not counsellors are the main determinants of outcome effectiveness,”
Comment: Put simpler, if its to be it’s up to me. The client is the problem, but also the solution. You are only guaranteed a successful outcome, if the client is committed to the process. Personal development without personal commitment clearly does not work.
“Half of all men – both in their own assessment and in the assessment of their partners tend to avoid conflict; about a quarter of women also see themselves and are seen by their partners as avoidant; this is the one area where there is considerable agreement between men and women.
For men, the experience of being criticised by one’s partner has a particularly negative effect on marital quality – three times stronger than on the impact on women. Not being listened to by one's partner is the most negative influence on womens experience of the relationship.”
Comment: Does this yet again point to the marked inability of many males to express their emotions/ deal with matters of the heart? If so, it is clear that we need to work on imparting this ability within the education system. Hopefully “Looking Ahead and Living Now” will help in this respect.
About half of all clients (54%) spent up to six months thinking about coming to counselling, the remainder (46%) taking longer.
Comment: this appears to be an awful long time to suffer in a relationship before taking action. Why does this happen?
“People tend to see themselves differently from the way their partner sees and experiences them.”
Comment: I believe that the more both individuals in a couple work on themselves, the more they begin to see reality as it is both individually and collectively. If you have one partner committed to personal growth and the other happy to stagnate, you have potential problems.
“Rather than professional training or experience, it looks as though differences in personal qualities make some therapists more helpful. It appears then that the effectiveness of counselling in Accord is more affected by the personal qualities of counsellors, than by their professional training or experience. We also found that the gender of counsellors had no effect on outcomes.”
Comment: Can one deduce from this that the more the counsellor develops himself or herself, the more effective they will be with the couple? I believe so.
"The effectiveness of therapy is indicated by the fact that in general, cases which receive treatment tend to do better than untreated cases in about seven out of ten cases."
Comment: It works and that’s a fact.
For more information contact Accord, Columba Centre, Maynooth, Co Kildare.
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 11:32 AM | Comments (1)
When asked to highlight the characteristics of a successful happy person, in our participating schools project, “Looking Ahead and Living Now,” students pinpointed generosity / a giving disposition, and modesty, ie the person saw no difference between themselves and others, in addition to the usual suspects like determination, confidence, good interpersonal skills and focused.
Childish wisdom that we sometime forget?
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 10:15 AM | Comments (0)
Having had the honour of addressing many conferences in my time, I still believe that the most challenging audience is to be found in the classroom.
Indeed, when asked by up and coming trainers where should they sharpen their skills, I tend to point them in the direction of the classroom.
Students are a very sophisticated bunch – very simply, they want to be entertained and informed – it is likely that one wont work without the other.
If we can get to them I believe we can reshape the world we live in for future generations. They are after all tomorrow's leaders.
Yesterday, I visited two schools in the West of Ireland who are participating in our new Transition Year Module, “Looking Ahead and Living now,” kindly sponsored by Supermacs.
Two quotes crossed my mind leaving the schools
“If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything. It is open to everything. In the beginners mind, there are many possibilities. In the experts mind, there are few.”
Zen Master Suzuki Roshi
“A small boy of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in his mission can alter the course of history.”
Gandhi
Towards a more positive tomorrow.
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 10:33 AM | Comments (2)
Research conducted by the University of Cincinnati has found that songs get stuck in our heads because they create a "brain itch" that can only be scratched by repeating the tune over and over.
"It is like the familiar pattern of itching and scratching," James J. Kellaris, an associate professor of marketing in the University of Cincinnati College of Business Administration says. "The only way to 'scratch' a cognitive itch is to rehearse the responsible tune mentally."
Whereas many have argued the negative consequences of the "itch," there are many potential positives.
For many people these "itches" bring them back to a time in their life when emotions were high.
For example, when I hear the song, “What a wonderful world”, I immediately relive the positive emotions experienced through my fascinating experiences accumulated while travelling and training in Melbourne.
“YMCA” helps me to relive the postive emotions experienced while volunteering at the Special Olympics in Dublin, Ireland last Summer. Each morning the volunteers would put us through the "YMCA dance experience!"
What a buzz!
Have you got a song that can immediately put you in a positive empowered state?
Would playing this song be useful in the context of preparing yourself for any stressful situation, for example a job interview ?
I think so!
Can you create your own special song that will make you feel empowered – yes? ( review Chapter one – How? When you don’t know how) .
Have a good itch!
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 09:26 AM | Comments (1)