Life is without doubt a trip towards Trust.
At many stages, this inner voice will push you towards pursuing a certain life option - in my opinion, you must honour and follow this inner knowing.
Beware - if you follow the well beaten path of analysis- asking why, you will always find enough reasons not to act. In all the different magical chapters of my life, I could have chosen differently - if I wanted to be rational!
Write the following quote from the Sufi Poet, Rumi, on a piece of paper and review periodically:
“The eye goes blind when it only wants to see why.”
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 09:48 AM | Comments (2)
While nobody really knows what is going through the mind of a person when they decide to take their own life, motivational speaker and author Kevin Kelly believes that every one of us can play a role in trying to create a better society and lessen the human tragedy behind the rising suicide statistics in Ireland.
As somebody who makes a living speaking on inspiration, motivation and personal development, Kevin is constantly meeting people who have no hope in life and are living in despair.
He believes that society has to take responsibility for the fact that so many people feel that suicide is the only option for them and that it is up to society as a whole to work together to come to a solution.
Many of those who go through with taking their own lives have a history of depression, but alcohol is also a major factor particularly in Ireland; so much so that alcoholism has been described by psychologists as Suicide by instalments.
Kevin decided to share his thoughts about finding ways individually and collectively that might just help to create a better tomorrow for those suffering in silence. He firmly believes that it is possible to not only survive, but to thrive on a lot less income than people think they need.
As individual members of a community, the Christian thing is to love thy neighbour as thyself, but the reality is that nobody knows their neighbours anymore. This points to a lack of community which can be the sustaining force of the individual, having somebody to tell your problems to, even just to smile at you and say hello, he explains.
Kevin feels it is important that we move towards getting to know our neighbours as a matter of urgency and to return to the sense of community that Ireland has traditionally been built on. He lived in California for two years where there was a total lack of community and people talked to their therapists rather than their neighbours.
When it comes to working in an organisation, Kevin says it is important for people to embrace the fact that that everybody does the best they can with the resources that they have and he believes that if people could be a little more understanding and forgiving, life would be a lot easier.
So many people complain these days about never having enough time but in the context of raising children, Kevin points out that there is no substitute for time. The time, love and attention you give to your children will be their most valuable moulding influence building up their confidence and self-esteem.
There is a major growth in isolation therapy at the moment with the Internet, computer games and television. Children are not learning key interpersonal relation skills which is what builds self esteem. No credit card or abundance of toys can ever substitute a parents love and attention, he says.
Kevin believes that one of the reasons people have so little time these days is that they are failing to distinguish between their wants and their needs. The more you want, the harder you have to work, the higher your stress levels are and the less time you have to spend with the important people in your life.
He explains: All people really want is to be happy in life and they only want the new car, the new house or clothes etc because it gives them positive feelings i.e. it makes them feel happy. When we realise this, we realise that there are a lot of easier ways to find happiness than by multiplying our wants.
Through his own travels around the world which became the topic of his book;Life - A Trip Towards Trust; Kevin met many truly amazing people who had very little, but were extremely happy despite this. He himself has been much happier since he gave up his high-paying, high stress job to devote himself to his work in the much less lucrative area of personal development.
Ask yourself what you would do if you had only 24 hours to live, you would want to spend that time with the most important people in your life. It is useful to ask yourself that question again and again.
Kevin highlights the importance of teaching young children about the detrimental effects of bullying as he believes that every age group has a role in creating a new society where hopefully, fewer people will chose to take their own lives.
People seem to have lost the ability to really listen to others, according to Kevin, but listening is the same as giving attention and love. If people feel they are talking to the wall, it does very little for their self-esteem and it is very important that they know they are being listened to.
The Irish education system has been a major bug bear of Kevin's for many years with its focus on exams and the points race rather then on the crucial development of interpersonal intelligence. At the moment, those at the highest risk of taking their own lives are in the 18 to 24 age group which has experienced a four fold increase in death by suicide since 1996, according to statistics.
Preparing young people for life and work should be the focus of modern day education Kevin explains, through the development of interpersonal skills such as the ability to communicate with others, to motivate themselves and to cope with crises.
He accepts that there have been some good advances made in the education system over the past decade with the introduction of the Social and Personal Health Education course, but he is calling for the programme to be made examinable so it would be taken more seriously by parents and students alike, instead of being regarded as a doss subject.
The national education psychology service is another positive move, says Kevin as it means that a psychologist is available to every school in the country. However, he suggests that each school should employ a life coach that each student would be required to visit during the school year.
The current service is a passive role rather than an active role. If a teacher sees a child having difficulties, they can call in the psychologist but this means that the people who most need help are continuing to suffer in silence because they are not able to talk about their problems, particularly boys who have major problems in talking about their emotions, he says.
Kevin calls on parents to give their full support to the idea of transition year rather than dismissing it as a doss year as it is an excellent opportunity to equip young people with the skills they need to survive in the real world.
He believes that more than ever, people today need the church to be effective and he found through his own travels that those who had faith in their religion used it as a sustaining force to help them through their daily lives. It is time, he feels, that the church started to move forward in terms of language and style to bring it closer to its target audience. Kevin points out that there are many forward thinking and innovative priests out there such as his own parish priest in Barna, Fr John Keane who makes his masses accessible to people of all ages through his unique style.
People have to have a sense of spirituality, a sense of connectedness, a feeling of being wanted and loved because this is what helps us in the face of adversity. Its when we don't feel loved and are facing adversity that we feel life is too tough. People ask about the existence of God, but if they believe there is somebody up there who loves them unconditionally, then I don't care if that somebody is real or imaginary because their belief will enhance their self esteem and their ability to cope with whatever life throws at them, he remarks.
Kevin's work is all about talking to people and showing them examples of where he himself adopted winning life strategies to live a happy fulfilled life.
I think it's important that people realise life is one cocktail. Relationships, work and sense of spirit are all part of the cocktail and each should be given equal importance. If you lead a balanced life, you will have other things to occupy you in times of major life crises such as bereavement or unemployment, he says.
This article was written by Michelle McDonagh from The Connaught Tribune.
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 10:02 AM | Comments (0)
I had a funny experience at a seminar I gave recently. Near the end of the day, one course participant, a young woman, approached me.
"I hope you don't think I am a basket case when I tell you this story," she began shyly. "A month ago my Dad died and I think I'm crying excessively. What's wrong with me?"
"Gosh," I replied, "I think you're being a bit hard on yourself. I know that if my father or mother died I would find it very difficult to cope with that sense of loss. Even the thought of either of them dying makes me want to cry. I believe it's important for you to express your emotion. When you feel like crying, cry. There are very few people that won't understand you and empathise with your situation."
"Indeed," I added, "one study completed at University College in Galway claims that it can take up to three years to come to terms with the bereavement of a significant person in your life. So, in summary, express your emotion and don't be so hard on yourself."
She thanked me and went back to her seat. I thought I handled it really well. About five minutes later, the same woman approached me yet again.
"I think we were on different wavelengths a few minutes ago," she said.
"Why?" I asked, perplexed.
"Well," she said, "I said to you that my dog died a month ago."
I couldn't stop laughing. When we shared the story with the other participants the place ended up in an uproar! What have I been saying about the importance of listening. . . ?
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 01:07 PM | Comments (2)
Here's a sample of quotations from Gandhi that I collected in Delhi. They continue to shape and stir me:
We can only win over the opponent by love, never by hate. Hate is the subtlest form of violence. Hatred injures the hater, never the hated.
There are moments in your life when you must act, even though you cannot carry your best friends with you. The still small voice within you must always be the final arbiter when there is a conflict of duty.
Truth resides in every human heart, and one has to search for it there, and to be guided by truth as one sees it. But no-one has a right to coerce others to act according to his own view of truth.
What is true of individuals is true of nations. One cannot forgive too much. The weak can never forgive; forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Strength does not come from physical capacity; it comes from an indomitable will.
The bond of a slave is snapped the moment he considers himself to be a free being.
Religions are different roads converging upon the same point. What does it matter that we take different roads so long as we reach the same goal.
Silence is a great help to a seeker after truth. In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after truth, and the soul requires inward restfulness to attain its full height.
Posted by Kevin Kelly at 01:08 PM | Comments (2)