February 19, 2007

Irish Examiner feature

Michelle McDonagh, Irish Examiner interviews Kevin on how to get yourself back on track in the context of achieving your dreams. Monday Feb 19th.

Many of us make New Year’s resolutions with heaps of enthusiasm and the very best of intentions at the start of each year, but very few of us actually keep to them. In fact, if you are still sticking to your resolutions by February, you are in the minority and well done to you!

Unfortunately, the reality is that most resolutions go unachieved and are broken shortly after they are made. And that’s when the guilt sets in, that insidious feeling of abject failure. Guilt over our failure to lose weight or give up smoking, our disastrous efforts at eating healthily or taking more (or any) exercise.

The problem is that many of us set unrealistic goals for ourselves at the start of each new year that are destined to lead us down the pathway of failure, frustration and guilt.

Leading personal motivational speaker and author, Kevin Kelly suggests that one of the reasons that people stop pursuing goals at a deeper level, even though they would argue that they really want them, is because of that annoying inner voice that says “I am not good enough”.
He comments: “There is a huge irony in the fact that the number one thing that stops people from going for that dream job, starting a new business or pursuing their goals is the fear of failure. If you watch a child and we were all children, there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. In the context of two of their greatest achievements, walking and talking, the process is to try, fail, fall flat on their face, re-adapt, try again, fail, continue to try and readapt, not caring that you look stupid in front of others and ultimately succeeding.”

Imagine bringing this child-like strategy with us through life, suggests Kelly. Nothing would appear impossible. And unlike adults, that children don’t stop for days and feel sorry for themselves.

“When you do this i.e. focus on negative emotions at length, you depress your immune system making yourself more likely to be sick. It is obvious that fear is learned and if it is learned, it can be unlearned!.”

If you have failed to stick to the goal (or goals) you set yourself for 2007, don’t give up just yet. Kevin Kelly advises us to take out three pieces of paper and to write our goal on the top of each page.
On the first page, write down in vivid detail what will happen in all aspects of your life in twelve months time if you fail to meet your goals. What effect will this have on your relationships, work satisfaction, finances, sense of self worth...etc?
On the second piece of paper, write down all the positive aspects of achieving your goal. Again record in vivid detail the positive effects that this would have on all aspects of your life This will intensify the positive feelings attached to achieving your goal. When you are reading this dream scenario, some degree of excitement should be pulsing through your veins.
Finally on the last piece of paper, imagine you have just died and you have to do your own graveside oration. Write down any regrets you might have about goals you failed to achieve during your life. And most importantly, take action on your dreams.

“This should get you motivated, as people are invariably either motivated away from pain (the first model) or towards pleasure (the second model) or don’t want to fall into the many regrets category,” explains Kelly.

He stresses the importance of writing goals down and reviewing them often so they are imprinted on your subconscious as he believes this practice dramatically improves the chances of achieving your goals in the ‘real world’.
“When I challenged myself to write a best selling book with only a D in English in my Junior and Leaving Cert, the first thing I did was to take out two pieces of paper. On the first one, I wrote "I am a best selling author" and on the other I wrote the date the manuscript was to be finished by. Both were placed at eye level over my desk and also on the back of the door— I was surrounded by my goals and it worked!”

After each goal, Kelly advises that you should write down why you want to achieve that particular goal. Obviously, the more reasons you have, the more motivated you will be. it’s important that it is something you really want, rather than something your parents or partner want for you. It is also essential to set a date for the achievement of your goals, otherwise you could be forever going nowhere.

“Focus on obstacles and obstacles appear. Focus on the dream and you will attract teachers, circumstances and events to help you achieve the dream as long as your ego doesn't get in the way,” remarks Kelly sagely.

Helping others to achieve their dreams on the basis that what you give out, you will get back in abundance is also recommended by the Galway based personal development guru. And of course, taking the first step is critical if you want to end up in a better place.

He remarks: “Crossing the bridge from inaction to action is the most challenging and important journey anyone will take in a lifetime. It doesn’t have to be a large action — any action will do. Action precedes excellence. Remember that a negative or positive habit works similar to a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger the connections in your nervous system and the more impact it has on your life. If on the other hand, you CHOOSE DIFFERENTLY and make a more empowering choice, the original negative habit will in time atrophy and die.”

Kevin Kelly, who is ranked the number 1 personal development speaker/author on www.google.com launched three motivational CDs before Christmas including ‘Setting, Getting and Forgetting Goals’ and ‘Good Enough, Now Go Get It!’ For further information, check out www.kevinkellyunlimited.com

Panel of Dos and Don’ts for Achieving Goals
Do
Take responsibility — the start of any personal development journey. Take the trip towards self awareness — solving problems are never as big an issue as seeing them.

Focus on the dream and attract teachers, circumstances and events along the way to help make those dreams come through.

Integrate a time-out into your daily routine. The old thought process of believing 16 hours is twice as good as an eight-hour day productivity-wise has been well disproved. You need to work smarter, not harder.

Discover your mission — the key to a life less limiting. When you are doing what you love, you will experience flow, meaning, contribution, adventure and provision.

Cross the bridge from inaction to action — remember action precedes excellence

Don’t
Compare yourself to others — Don’t fall into the popular pattern of benchmarking your success off others. Comparing yourself to others is the direct route to a lifetime of stress and missed opportunities. Happiness will be always one acquisition away. Compare yourself to yourself for a life less limiting.

Listen to the wrong people Too many of us are swayed by unsolicited advice. It is imperative that as we journey towards our goal, only feedback from people who have travelled that path before is accepted. Go up the mountain with a mountain climber, not someone who has read or written about it, even drawn it, but someone who has been to the pinnacle.

Analyse your dream out of existence. Be aware that regardless of what your dream is, when you consign it to a pros and cons analysis, you will probably find enough reasons not to act. Every dream on this planet can be left-brained out of existence. Knowledge will always give you enough reasons not to act. If your intuition delivers, don’t overanalyse, honour it.

Take the insane routeWhere you keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different route. Remember problems are never solved with the same strategies that created them!

Posted by Kevin Kelly at February 19, 2007 11:59 AM