November 13, 2006

Positive Parenting

After the overwhelming response to my latest appearance on tv discussing this topic, I decided to record my thoughts.

Parenting - without doubt one of the most challenging jobs in the world, yet one for which no qualification is required!

After having the privilege of working with both thousands of parents and students, here are a few tips based on my observations.

1. Develop yourself.

As children invariably choose to do what you do, as opposed to follow what you say, who you are as a person tends to transfer to the child. After working with students for a few times, you normally have a good insight into the parent’s personality.
So for example, at the parent’s night, the first one up after the session to affirm and enthuse about the content, is the bubbly student’s parent or parents. On the other hand you could always expect a no show from the disruptive child’s parents.
I read once that eighty per cent of a child’s personality is formed by the age of five – this puts the parenting challenge into context.
So develop yourself - the more you develop your self esteem, and happiness levels, the more this positive energy will transfer to the child.

2. Give them attention – quality attention.

Attention is the drug we all work off – quality attention works even better.
If time is at a premium in your life, when the opportunity arises use it not for shopping but for quality.
Many parents out of guilt have decided to give children everything they want on a conveyor belt. Based on working with thousands of students, this is a very risky strategy. Why? Because many children today are challenged by even the smallest of life’s troubles – a minor inconvenience in our eyes can be a drama for them. Why? Because instant gratification is the norm, they can’t understand the process behinds life’s tribulations. A child who is used of having to work and incur a minimum of inconvenience and pain to get what they want in life, is likely to be more equipped to deal with other life challenges that one where everything is served a la carte.
So instead of presents, share your presence with them.
Quality attention will give them the confidence and energy to survive and thrive in the real world.

3. Allow them to dream – but not your dreams!

Too often, parents have told me that they want to give their children everything they hadn’t. They proceed to give me a wish list of occupations and hobbies that “would work” for their children.
Unfortunately children will never have any great conviction chasing other people’s dreams but without doubt have the capacity to follow their own.
Anyone that dares to dream, that engages in life, will find that they end up in a place they recognise as better than their starting point – thus it may not be the goal they recorded on a piece of paper, but the process will very simply bring them to a better place. Thus the dream has worked. Get them dreaming today.

Enjoy the process, you are shaping tomorrow’s world.

Posted by Kevin Kelly at November 13, 2006 09:46 AM